Letters
by ginnifermorrisons
Summary: a collection of various letters from tribute to tribute where one is the winner. "I just miss you, okay?" review for the next letter!
1. Chapter 1

Clove,

I'm so done with the no-emotions-careers thing. Because I damn well have emotions, and it was as hard as fuck not to use them during the Games. Even when you passed away died, all I could do was sit beside you and try not to show anything. Do you remember what I said to you, or were you already done by then? I'll remember what I said forever.

I killed Thresh, so don't worry about that up above, or down below, or wherever you are. He got what he deserved. You would have been proud, the way I did it. I also killed the pair from 12 easily. I know that we promised that Fire Girl would be a good one, but I couldn't. Imagine if the tables were turned and they didn't have their whole big shit romance televised. Would the cameras have focused on us?

But the thing is Clove, when I killed the last 3, it was different. I made them quick after Thresh's. Because all I could see when I killed Thresh was you, just lying there, lifeless. Suddenly death didn't seem that beautiful anymore.

And victory isn't as sweet when you actually taste it.

Maybe if you had been with me it would have been different. It would have felt better to be in that hovercraft, to hear the victory music blast in my ears. Even to sit in my room. They gave me a full bed.

The fucking stupid Capitol people didn't even seem to realize anything was between us. Caesar asked one question about it, and I answered it truthfully. I keep imagining the couch that would have been there instead of the one, straight-backed chair that I was put in.

One thing they never show to us is that they save all the interview dresses and put them in the different arenas after they're used, for the museums. I took yours because when I looked at it I saw your hair, your eyes, _you. _

I just miss you, okay? We could have been mentoring together, always together, but now I'm going to do it with either Brutus or Enobaria.

For my victory tour, in District 2, I went to all the training centers and spoke. I kept seeing you in the audience, egging me on, with that smirk that I always saw, ever since the first day we met.

Now I sound fucking crazy. Maybe I am. I couldn't care less.

And I'm sorry it took me so long to write you. I couldn't figure out how to put the words together for a while.

Hold my spot in heaven or hell or wherever you are, because I'm coming soon.

I love you.

Cato


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Rue,

I'm so sorry. That's honestly all I can think of right now. I'm so sorry that you didn't get to come back home. I saw your family, you know. We became very close, so at least that's something to be happy about, wherever you are.

I hope you know that you sparked a rebellion, because when you...when you died, apparently it was madness. They didn't show that part on TV, but word of mouth gets around really fast. Rue, people were so touched by you and what Katniss did for you, honestly.

And more, I'm sorry that I didn't ally with you. I told myself that I was doing it for both of us. That I would certainly be gone in the first days and I didn't want that to happen to you. But I was lying to myself. I didn't want to have the responsibility. I didn't think I could see you die. And I keep beating myself up about that; I could have kept you safe.

After I killed the girl from District 2, I let Katniss go because she was a good person. Who else would have done something like that for you? And then the boy from District 2 came after me, I assume to avenge her death. Funny. I didn't think Careers had emotions. Maybe they do. The fight was bloody and brutal, like him, but in the end I got him at his weak point. I won't go into details, though. You were never one for violence.

And after that, the red-haired girl from 5 died because of the nightlock. The Capitol decided it was time for a finale, so they sent muttations at us. It was horrible, Rue. I'm just glad that you weren't there to see that. Peeta slipped and fell to them, and Katniss fought long and hard but I still got her.

It was horrible. I still can't get the thought out of my mind that I'm a murderer. I never thought I would be. And now here I am. I won the Hunger Games. That means I'm a killer. To save myself. You should have won, because you would never have hurt any of them. You just hid in the trees, smarter than all the other tributes.

It just seems so unfair. You are one of the sweetest, purest, most adorable human beings I have ever met, and living where we do, it's rare to find someone like that. Thank you for being the little sister that I never had. I just wish you were still here so that I could fulfill my big brother duty.

Sweet dreams, Rue.

Thresh


	3. Chapter 3

Marvel,

Excuse me, but that cannon you heard after the Tracker Jacker incident was _not _for me. It was for someone else, and you obviously were too busy hunting to look up at the sky that night.

For some reason, I was under the impression that there was something going on between us. I don't know, maybe it was because you told me that you _fucking loved me_ that fateful night before the Games? Remember how you said that after we were done and we were sharing the covers?

I hope you feel sorry for being an asshole to me, because I certainly didn't appreciate it. I would have gone back, or, in the first place, actually try to save you.

They said that I couldn't trust anyone. And I made the mistake of trusting you. I thought that you would come back for me.

If only you had dodged Katniss' arrow. Then they would have announced the rule change and we could have won together.

After Thresh killed Clove at the feast, I waited for Cato to kill Thresh. Then I caught him as he was limping out of the battlefield, weak and undefended. It was quick and easy. I wasn't just in this thing to look pretty, as you very well know from when you asked me the first night on the train.

I killed Katniss, and Peeta killed himself. That's why Cashmere and Gloss are angry with me. They say I should have killed Peeta first, because Fire Girl wouldn't have committed suicide. The gamemakers don't love suicides in the Games.

By the way, I saw your body for about one second before the hovercraft came. God, you looked so weak. Did I look that horrible when the Tracker Jackers knocked me out? I averted my eyes while they showed that part of this year's Games during my victory tour.

Which was horrible, by the way. Your mom and dad were right up there in the first row. They made me wear something see-through and short again. At least there was a bar on the train.

I hate this life.

It would be better if you were here.

Love,

Glimmer


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Peeta,

I guess I will never know whether you actually loved me or if it was all for the Games. The Capitol certainly loved it. The whole 'star-crossed lovers' thing. But then Cato got tired of you after a few nights without finding me, I guess.

I wish that you wouldn't have joined them. Talking to you felt like one of the only conversations that I could trust. It felt real. But then you went for the most risky option. Why? I thought you wanted to survive.

I thought I could trust you, Peeta. I really did. But you were directing them to where I was, and I don't know what your plan was-to save me when they found me, or to stand back and watch as they killed me? They didn't find me after they killed you, so maybe it was for the best.

They're angry with me. The Capitol, I mean. For one thing, how I decorated Rue when she died. But also because in the end, when it was just me, Thresh, Foxface, and Cato, Foxface killed herself. So they were already annoyed. But then Cato killed Thresh and then it was just me and him. It was bloody and horrible but I needed to go back home. To Prim. I don't know how I did it. But I did. It was a silver arrow, right through the heart.

Even though I don't know whether you were out for my blood or whether you were trying to protect both of us, I think it would have been better if you had stayed on a little longer. I wish you were here with me. Winning is always presented as this wonderful thing that helps you and your district.

I definitely helped our district. But me? I'm constantly attacked by these monsters inside of me. I know that I had to do what I could to survive, to protect Prim and my mother. And Gale. But it still always nags at me. Especially when I go past the bakery and see the cakes. They don't look as pretty now.

I know you said once that I have more to live for, but it's not true. You never realize how much you have until you're gone. Your parents are hanging on, but barely. No one buys things from the bakery anymore, except for me, because we have all these riches now. They miss you, Peeta. Our whole district misses you.

The Capitol is horrible to me. They force me into large dinners with past victors, they force me to become _friends _with them. And they force me into other things, too. But I'm okay. I'm fine.

Maybe if my sister hadn't been reaped and you hadn't been reaped we would have gotten to know each other better. If you really liked me, I mean. If it wasn't just a strategy in the game that we were forced to play.

I hope you're alright, wherever you are.

Katniss


	5. Chapter 5

_Dear _Glimmer,

It's ridiculous to me how you thought that you could just flounce in here, looking like the slut you are, and expect to win. You don't win by looking pretty. Maybe you'll get a few sponsors just because of your ass, but that's it.

I won because I fucking _trained_. I don't know how they do it in District 1, but here, we don't mess around. I was put into that training academy with Cato from when we could walk, okay? It's not like we just look intimidating.

And not only the fact that you put on this whore act, it's that you flirted with Cato the whole time. He is not yours to flirt with. If you need to get with someone, at least go for your _own _district partner. And don't try to turn this on me and say that I did the same, because that was fucking different, okay? We've known each other forever. It's different.

Not to mention that you were totally incompetent with weapons. You definitely didn't seem like a career. I don't know how you killed two people at the cornucopia. Maybe you just showed them your boobs and they died of laughter.

Okay, I'm being cynical. But that's who I am. And you know that already. Or knew. Whatever.

So it wasn't exactly my fault when I killed you that night, waiting for Katniss under that damn tree. You can't do anything. You were practically sleeping with Cato. Someone was going to have to do it eventually.

Anyway, after I killed you, Marvel was pissed, but you had to know he was in love with you, right? Cato wasn't upset. One less person. We think alike. Marvel killed Rue but then died in the process. I went to go get rid of Katniss, but right after I killed her, Thresh almost smashed my head in. I would have been able to handle it, but then Cato was there and Thresh ran off. We hunted the girl from 5 for a while. She was fucking fast, the bitch. But we got her, and Lover Boy as a bonus. We always get what we want.

So, yeah. We thought it would have been easy. Kill Thresh and then go home together. Finally be able to be with each other.

Except for nothing is that easy, I guess.

They teach us in training that weakness is what gets you killed. Except for Cato wasn't weak. I don't think.

He died anyway.

And then Thresh died too. It was a fight to the death and while Cato happened to die first, he still gave Thresh his final blow.

And that was it. No finale for me. Nothing. Everything that I'd been dreaming about forever was done in less than an hour. And even though the District 2 Victor's Village is full to the brim, it still feels empty.

I fucking hate you, but you're luckier than me.

Clove


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Thresh,

Your mom really misses you. I go to her house every day and she makes me hot cocoa and some cookies, so I just wanted to tell you that. Your sisters miss you, too. And your grandmother. They're so sweet. The only good thing about this situation is that I got to know your family, I guess.

Honestly, that's the only good thing. I keep seeing Katniss' face when Marvel killed her. Thank goodness that she shot him too, or I would have been in a bad situation. And then I found you.

Why couldn't you have just stayed in the field with me? We could have waited for everyone else to die and then we both would have gone home together. You didn't have to go and kill Clove and then have you and Cato fight until both of you were dead. And that was it. The trumpets sounded. I know that you wanted to get out of the arena as soon as possible. I had no doubts about your strength though, I thought you would have won!

But you and I, we're from District 11, and all my life I've slowly been learning that no matter how strong you are, you're going to be defeated. That's what happened to you.

So when will I be defeated? I won the Games, against all odds. They can't do anything to me. I don't know what they do, but Seeder told me not to worry about it. But she left out 'yet'. I know the Capitol will do something when I'm older. But what could they want with a victor?

I only stayed in the Capitol until the Victory tour. That was horrible, by the way. I couldn't even look the parents of all the dead tributes in the eyes. I was scared to look your family in the eye too, but they weren't mad with me. They were just sad, I think. But I think they were glad that at least one of us survived.

I'm really sorry that I couldn't have stopped you from going out there. Was it my fault? I could have convinced you to stay! We could have waited until Cato and Clove died of starvation, or something. Although I guess they would have hunted us first. Maybe it was a better idea for you to go instead of having _them _as winners. But maybe it was my fault. I don't know. I really miss you, Thresh. You were always like a big brother to me. And now I'm an only child.

My life has totally changed. Even though I didn't kill anyone, people don't look at me the same way. I keep thinking of myself as a murderer. And it's so bad. I don't even like myself anymore.

Maybe I already am defeated.

I love you and miss you. Rest in peace.

Love,

Rue


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Katniss,

I was trying to protect you, god, I was just trying to lead them away from you. I just wanted to get you out of the arena alive; I knew I wasn't going to win so it had to be you. I just wanted to protect you. It hurts me so much to know that you only thought of me as the enemy before you died. Because I'm not, I'm the opposite of your enemy, Katniss.

I don't know if you ever noticed me, but I watched you walk home from school every day. God, now I sound creepy. I guess I was just a stupid little boy in love. Don't we all go through that faze?

You are the most beautiful, strong, brave, trustworthy, and real person I have ever met in my entire life, and I will never go through anything worse than watching you die in front of my eyes. I was trying to lead them _away _from you, and I swear I thought Cato was going to fall when he started climbing up the tree to get you. Then we could have just waited you out or something, and you could have escaped.

But you and I, we're from District 12. And we don't understand the Careers. They're stronger than we think. And he made it up. God. The spark in your eyes, it just completely went out. I saw the spark at the reaping. At the parade. At the interviews. The night before the Games, just talking to you. Seeing it go out from your eyes was so hard and it was all I could do not to break down.

I still don't exactly know how I managed to win. It was obvious the rule change was made to benefit Cato and Clove, and I escaped a ways into the alliance, and then I hid in a cave until it was just the three of us left. Then they came and hunted me. Clove was easier to take down, when she tackled me I managed to plunge a knife I didn't know I was holding into her ribcage.

Cato was obviously weakened by her death. Maybe we weren't the only "star crossed lovers" in the arena. I knew it was going to be me against him, but all I could see behind my eyelids was him killing you and I knew I had to avenge your death. I guess you predicted it right. My strength did come in handy when someone came after me with a knife.

I can't stop thinking about what it would have been like if you had been by my side when they announced the rule change. We could have won together. I wouldn't be this lonely, all by myself, all the time. Except when I have clients; but I don't count that as companionship.

I see you everywhere back in District 12. I see you whenever I see the woods, or when I see Gale, or Prim. Prim's doing okay. Okay in the sense that she's accepted what happened. She's not over it. She'll never be over it. Neither will anyone. Especially me.

I still work in the bakery whenever I'm home. It takes my mind off things. And it looks like I'll be mentoring next year, something I'm not looking forward to. It would be so much better if you were here with me.

I miss you more than you could imagine and I wish you could have known the real me.

I love you.

Love,

Peeta


End file.
